Damian Mordeau.
Posts : 18
Join date : 2023-07-02
![REFLECTIONS [04] Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) |  Subject: REFLECTIONS [04] ![REFLECTIONS [04] I_icon_minitime](https://2img.net/s/t/18/87/65/i_icon_minitime.gif) Sat Aug 26, 2023 8:35 pm | |
| If only you could’ve seen the kind of man I once was.
Maybe you’d understand the kind of man I have become and that’s no understatement made, I have seen what I was once and it hurts to know what I was willing to put myself through in order to make things right for my own career. In a land where not too many gaijins could truly out test themselves and see themselves driven deep into the spotlight, I had put myself through some of the most miserable conditions possible and I had gone through wars with my own body to keep myself fighting. I have become physical with my own self-hatred and that’s the kind of man that I promised myself I’d never become ever again.
And as much as I’d like to admit that same man didn’t follow me from Japan to America? I had learned the hard way about being wrong with my gut feelings. There’s been two moments ever since I had gotten here which saw me battle with a sense of dread inside of my head, against Kasey Kash and against Target Smiles. The debut and the prelude to the finals, to the moment where we’d find out what really was at stake, moments of pressure being placed heavily on me to make a point stand out. Vulnerability and weakness, mere minutes of silence in my head which was filled up with a loud ringing noise coursing through my head as I began to reflect. Mere moments of relapsing on my past and it does worry me a little bit because I have to fight twice in one night—what might stop me from doing it all over again?
A numbness to what once was.
I’ve spent minutes, hours, and even days trying to figure out what kind of a man that I had become and you know what? The more that I thought about it, the more that I saw myself being distant from the voice inside of my head that tried to do everything in it’s power to be free, to do the right thing for me, and to do whatever it might’ve taken to really see myself in victory rather than defeat. And the only thing that could’ve stopped me from letting that take control was me—all because I was afraid of what I could’ve become and I knew that it wasn’t fair for those who’d fight me to have to survive against that.
The question, inside of my head, is a very simple one: should I let that side of me be free or continue on the same path that I’ve been taking ever since I had gotten here to Prestige Championship Wrestling? Maybe they want to see the chaos that could come from letting my head have free-reign and maybe they want to see how much I could fall from the mountaintop that I find myself on if I don’t let them have their way – all I care about is the well-being of anyone else around me and it doesn’t make sense, right? It doesn’t make sense that I feel sympathy for those that I’ll be meeting this weekend. The issue at hand is that I have no way of protecting those that want to see the light at the end of the tunnel, there’s no way of protecting anyone from what kind of damage can be done onto those who might try to see themselves push forward into these finals, into that championship match, because that voice inside of my head is one that’s got a thirst for success.
I can feel it in my veins, I can feel that adrenaline rushing through me, and you two have been blocking me from having a clear line of sight on what I’ve waited seven long fucking years to have. Seven long fucking years of abuse, having to hold back those emotions, those feelings, and seven long fucking years of having to sit in the shadows and take everything that I’m given because I wanted to be just like how they were. You might not have been able to see that clearly from my peripheral, Smiles. After all, the only focus you had was to either win or to learn – but what did you learn from your small victories? Where have you learned about what lies ahead for you within any of the victories that you’ve succeeded in securing on this road? The answer, I believe, is very simple to give. There hasn’t been a moment where you’ve learned anything of value. There hasn’t been a moment where your gain is a moment of learning, a chance to redeem what you were defeated in, there hasn’t been any of that and I’ll admit that I didn’t give you enough of a fair chance to learn, you defeated me when I stumbled—when I froze in place because I wasn’t sure what the next move was to be. But, alas, I have a chance to reassure you of what could’ve been, to reassure you of the lesson you should’ve learned.
I’m not smiling anymore, Target. Neither should you be. There’s a common case for those that want to believe that they’ve got the whole fucking world in their hands but they’re nowhere near that level. Not even you, as much as you might hide that fact. Skew the words as much as you might like, I know where my place is right now. I’m not hesitating either.
As for your partner in crime within this tournament, we’ve not really met before all of this and I’m sure there’s a good reason to see what all of the hype over Percival VI could be – but of course, I can simply look toward yourself and my own partner in this charade, seen for myself the kind of man that’s awaiting me across the ring. Am I impressed with a man whose head is shoved so far up his own backside that the only thing that spews from his mouth is a case of verbal diarrhoea? Not entirely. Am I solely impressed with a man who has to have a squadron of butlers or bodyguards by his side so he can be ‘protected’ at all costs? Not exactly. The feeling is more along the lines of that I can only sense the joke that someone like Percival can bring to the table. If there’s anything that he’s been giving, it’s the comedic value of his whole aura. The constant ask for respect to be given, it’s the comedic trope that seems like ninety percent of people will bring to professional wrestling and there’s no reason for it, they just want to do it better than the rest.
The problem is that they all sound the same, every person continues on and on like a collective of broken records all trying to repeat the same song and dance like nobody has ever heard of it before. That’s the kind of person that you’re dealing with when it comes to Percival. He’s got a little bit of difference with the family inheritance, the butlers who’ll do anything for him and take a bullet if they could, but that’s all there is to the uniqueness. The same old story is told once again from another perspective because he’s given the high horse to be seated upon. He’s given the cherry-picked victories handed to his name and all he could do is insert his ‘fifteen minutes of fame’ because it’s all he can truly accomplish. See, Matt only gave you a glimpse into reality as someone who holds zero value, whereas I? I break any vanity that you might hold dearly onto in the hopes that you might still find a way to see yourself as the victor in this whole ordeal. I am aiming to make sure that I put down the project that is this Percival VI Appreciation Society and simply drive it deep into the ground until it doesn’t ever resurface again.
Because I’m a very changed man now, I’ve lost all hope on ever giving people the chance to breathe and reign supreme over me because I am not going to be the stepping stone for anyone any-fucking-more. I left that part of my life behind for a reason, I will not be subjected to finding myself back in that same position again because others might want the spotlight more, it doesn’t work that way. I’m taking everything from everyone because I’ve simply had enough of the fucking push around. For once, I’m putting my best foot down and putting myself forward for that illustrious spot. Myself and Matt Miles will take home the trophy, we’ll take home the cash prize, and we’ll have our best motives ahead of what’s to come because this is what blind faith has given us. Though, I will thank you for one thing, Smiles. Thank you for kicking me back into the gear I needed to be in.
Because it’ll become the last mile for Matt. | |
|
![REFLECTIONS [04] Image_10](https://i.servimg.com/u/f61/20/50/77/87/image_10.png)
